Brand New Saturn
I was 15 years old when father purchased a Saturn. The Saturn was so beloved that my father would wash and waxed it at every opportunity. One day I needed to get the mower, which was parked in front of the Saturn, in order to fulfill my weekly yard duties. I grabbed the keys and began backing out the Saturn and quickly noticed that for some reason I was stuck. I put the car in drive and then heard the noise that is far worse than nails on a chalkboard. Yes, I had wedged my father's new car against the brick at the entrance of the garage. Immediately, fear seized my heart as well as guilt and dread. I carefully parked the car and got out to observe the damage. I quickly noticed chalky white streaks on the shiny red paint. I wiped at the quarter panel with my hand and fully realized that the finely waxed car was no longer smooth. I ran to the cabinet in the garage and grabbed the one thing that I thought would help my situation. Clearly, in panic mode, I scrubbed vigorously at the white streaks with a brillo pad.
I can still remember the panicked fear that was coursing through my body that day. I also remember the overwhelming guilt that plagued me until I got caught. It actually took several days before my father found out. And by that time I had developed and rehearsed careful lies, reasons, and excuses. Guilt is a treacherous thing and yet a tremendous gift. Isaiah 1:4 awakens us to Israel's sin, corruption, and guilt. Over and over through the Old Testament, we see Israel going back and forth with God because of their sin and guilt. The truth is that sin and guilt creates a distortion in our relationships. After damaging my father's car I did all that I could to avoid him. We do the same thing with our Heavenly Father and the guilt and unconfessed sin in our lives. Whereas we enjoyed time with God's Word and in prayer now we avoid the Bible and pray only when we have to. It is silly to think that we don't fully realize that he is not already completely aware of our sin. And yet, we sow together our fig leaves (excuses and rationalizations) and avoid our all-knowing Father just like Adam and Eve. I John 1:8-9 reminds us that, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Our sin has wired us to deny, lie, and avoid. We must choose the path whereby we own, acknowledge and repent of our sin before our Heavenly Father. Though we surely cannot lose our right standing that we have in Christ we do cut ourselves off from relating to our loving Heavenly Father. My dad was not as mad about the quarter panel as he was about my cover up and lies. Do I know and trust my Heavenly Father enough to be upfront and honest with Him?
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