The High Dive

I love the story of Peter walking on water. And yet, if I am honest it scares me. I feel the boat tossing and the waves crashing and yet I continue to bury myself in a life that requires little faith. Now, I do not mean that I do not have faith. I trust in Christ completly for my salvation. But as of recently I am afraid that my faith has become anemic. I have been wrestling with this for months now.
I feel like a child on a diving board with his toes curled over the edge fearful of the leap. It reminds me of trying to jump off the high dive at Perry High School. So many times I would ascend that incredibly long ladder. I would at times creep to the edge. I would stare down into the deep blue while my stomach rose to my throat and my whole body broke into a cold sweat. I wanted to jump in but fear would grip me. Then I would shrink back and descend the ladder as quickly as I could. I don't even remember how many times that senario played out.
Were my fears justifiable at that time? I was a little guy so I think that they were. I feared missing the pool, drowning or something worse. These are legitimate fears for that situation. But are my fears justifiable today? Those fears that I struggle with that trap me and hamper my faith. I do not think so. And yet I am immobilized. Jesus please help me.
I have been reading the book of Mark. I love going back to the gospels for a clear view of Christ. Today in chapter 5 God has really challenged my faith. I come away from my time and I am ashamed of myself. I have loved the illusion of control for so long. And yes control is an illusion. I know that it is by God's grace that I am daily sustained. But at the sametime I am called to trust in him for all things. I should not just do life on my own and then ask for help when troubles rise. But I should start with Christ. I am not satisfied with bring OK. I must trust and daily walk by faith.
God please help me in my fears and weakness. May I see you in your Glory and Majesty. May I center myself on you alone. Help me to, like Peter, fix my eyes on you and step in faith. I pray that my life will glorify you in all that I do.

Amen

Comments

Jacob said…
Jeff, this is jacob from the church and i want to tell you that i have been really thinking about christ lately sice last session and wanting to get closer to him. I cant wait until blaze. I hope that it is a good experience for me and everyone else as well.
February 1, 2010 at 5:47 AM
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